


I'll Make Me Deserve It

by tiny_hands_hongjoong



Series: The Slightly Unhyped Enhypen [12]
Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Exhaustion, Fainting, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Light Angst, Protectiveness, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:53:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29007114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiny_hands_hongjoong/pseuds/tiny_hands_hongjoong
Summary: "Wonnie, how are you feeling? Are you okay?""I'm fine, hyung. Why are you crying?"Jungwon feels guilty for getting a debut spot over K, and he feels that it is his responsibility to make himself deserve to debut just as much as he thinks K does.
Series: The Slightly Unhyped Enhypen [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980910
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	I'll Make Me Deserve It

Jungwon jolted awake, hands shaking as his eyes pierced through the dark. Another nightmare had ruined his sleep. 

He hadn't been able to sleep properly in weeks, only catching a few moments between schedules or pretending to sleep while the other members could see. 

He reached towards the bedside table blindly, taking his phone from it and wincing as he turned on the screen. The light burned against his eyes as he opened up the messaging app and clicked on the top contact, being the person he had texted most recently. 

-Hey hyung, you been busy lately?-

He was running out of things to ask, as he had texted him almost every day for a week and received no reply. Maybe he was mad at him. Jungwon was definitely mad at himself for it. 

How could he be so selfish to steal first place from K?

Not just first place, but a debut spot in general. Didn’t K deserve that spot more than he did? Jungwon thought so, as he sighed and put his phone back down on the bedside table. 

As soon as he put his phone down, it began beeping, signalling that it was time to get up. He turned off the alarm and lay back in bed, huffing out a breath as he tried to hold back tears. The day hadn’t even started, and he was already almost crying. 

He wanted to stay in bed where it was warm and comfortable, but instead he forced himself to get up and collect some clothes from the closet, and he went and showered before any of the other members had even gotten up. 

The shower wasn’t as refreshing as he hoped it would be, and by the time he got out a few of the other members were up. Jay entered the bathroom after Jungwon got out, and the younger made his way to the kitchen and sat at the table despite not feeling very hungry at all. 

“Hey Wonnie,” Sunoo said as he joined Jungwon at the table, followed by a very sleepy Heeseung. 

“Hey,” Jungwon responded, resting his head on his arms on the table. Jay came in, his hair still wet from the shower, and he got some boxes of cereal from the cupboards and placed them on the table, as well as the bottle of milk from the fridge and some bowls and spoons. 

“Do you guys really need me to get everything out every morning?” Jay asked, “You all know where it is,” 

“Yeah, but it’s tradition,” Sunoo said, pouting. 

“It’s not, it’s laziness!” 

Sunoo giggled as he got a bowl and poured some cereal into it, but Heeseung and Jungwon didn’t move. 

“You guys aren’t going to eat anything?” Jay questioned. 

Heeseung looked as if he had just been given an impossible maths question, but he eventually shrugged. 

“Just… let me wake up first,” Heeseung said, and Jungwon managed to hide behind the humour of Heeseung being half asleep enough to receive no more questions. 

The other members came in one by one, but Jungwon was still the only one who didn’t eat anything. He left the table before anyone could question him, putting on a coat and facemask so he was ready to go. 

Not long after, the manager arrived to drive them to the interview, the first thing on their schedule. Jungwon was the first one ready and in the car, and the other members filed in and they set off. 

-

He forces a smile as they start the interview. He was the leader and an idol, he couldn’t let his own mood get anyone else down. They were asked many lighthearted questions, to which they answered with laughs and cute explanations. 

Then the interviewer had one last question to ask, and Jungwon felt a bit relieved that it would be over after this. 

“Since the group was formed on the show, I-Land, are there any I-Landers you miss and why?” 

A couple of the members looked to Jungwon, knowing how much he missed K, but instead of answering his mind went blank. 

“I think we miss all of them,” Sunoo said, taking the question for their leader, “They’re all really talented and have bright futures ahead for them. But I particularly miss some of the I-Landers who lasted until later rounds, since we spent so much time with them and made a lot of good memories.” 

Jungwon really wished he had been able to answer. What if K watched this interview and thought Jungwon didn’t care because he said nothing? 

The interview drew to an end and the manager led them back to the car like a mother duck guiding her ducklings. They drove the members to the company building where they got something to eat from the cafe, all except Jungwon. 

He went to the bathroom, taking out his phone and checking it, only to find that K didn't even read his message. Had he blocked him and Jungwon just didn’t notice? 

He texted him again, and a voice at the back of his head nagged at him, telling him he was too clingy and no one would respond if he acted like this. He hated what the voice said, but maybe it was right. What gave him the right to bother K all day every day when he had already taken his chance to debut? 

He put his phone back in his pocket, the words of the voice in his head still eating away at him from the inside. 

Instead of forgetting about it during practice, he made it the thing that drives him. That’s what people are meant to do, right? 

If he thought K deserves the place more than him but he got it, he needed to prove to himself that he was worthy of him. He was going to practice until he got better, until he could look at himself and not be disappointed. 

Even after all of the other members finished practice, Jungwon stayed behind. If he went home like the rest of them, that voice would come back. 

Jay stayed behind too, but for different reasons: he was beginning to practice song-writing, so he went to one of the studios while Jungwon remained in the practice room. 

Jungwon decided that if another member was staying to work, he had no excuse but to do the same. 

He practiced until all of his muscles burned and his limbs hurt when he moved them, and he didn’t stop. He was trapped in his thoughts, and didn’t notice as the room began to spin around him and black dots clouded his vision. 

He could hardly stand anymore, and he had to stop. He leaned his weight on the wall, his legs too overworked to keep him up alone. In the back of his mind, the voice was still telling him he was weak, that he wasn’t deserving of anything if he couldn’t even dance without fainting. 

But what more could he do, as his legs gave way and he collapsed, the consciousness being sucked out of him like a dementor was taking the life from him. 

-

Jay rubbed his eyes, tired out from staying at work late. As he walked towards the exit, he noticed that the practice room light was still on and he furrowed his eyebrows, knowing that Jungwon had also stayed behind. They should probably walk home together, he decided. 

He knocked on the practice room door but there was no reply, which was strange considering there wasn’t any music on in the room. If Jungwon was in there, he should have been able to hear him knock. 

Jay knocked one more time before giving up and opening the door, and Jungwon was nowhere to be seen. 

That was, until he took a step into the room and saw Jungwon curled in on himself, leaning weakly against the wall. 

“Jungwon?” Jay said, slowly approaching him, “Jungwon, are you okay?” 

There was no response, and dread began to stir in Jay’s stomach. He kneeled beside Jungwon, placing his hand on his shoulder to see if he was conscious. There was still no response, his body still except for the rising and falling of his chest. 

"Wonnie, this isn't funny… answer me, please,' Jay begged, his lip beginning to quiver as the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He bit his lip, embarrassed that he was getting upset so easily. 

Jungwon still didn't reply, and Jay carefully pulled him up so he was sitting against the wall. He took his phone out of his pocket and dialled Heeseung's number with shaky hands, trying to compose himself as the phone rang. 

Heeseung picked up, and Jay's words got caught in his throat. 

"Hey Jay-yah, what's up? Are you coming back yet?" 

"Hyung… I-" He choked on tears, wiping his eyes as he tried to think of what to say. 

"Jay? Are you… you're not crying, are you?" 

"No, hyung, listen. I think Jungwon's fainted and- and he's not waking up, I don't know what to do, I panicked and called you-" 

"Calm down, okay? Breathe, calm down for me." 

"Okay. Okay, I'm trying, hyung," Jay wiped at his eyes again, putting Heeseung on speaker as he placed his phone on the floor beside him. 

"Jay-hyung, why are you crying?" 

The voice was weak and groggy, and Jay immediately looked up when he heard it. 

"Was that Jungwon?" Heeseung asked, and Jay nodded with a quiet hum. 

"Okay… ask him how he feels, and what he last remembers." 

"Wonnie, how are you feeling? Are you okay?" Jay ran his fingers through Jungwon's hair, softening his voice to not startle the younger boy. 

"I'm fine, hyung. Why are you crying?" He slurred his words slightly and his head kept nodding forwards, he was barely managing to keep himself awake. 

Jay ignored Jungwon's repeated question, and he carried on with what Heeseung told him to do.  
"What's the last thing you remember?" 

Jungwon squinted, frowning as he leaned his head back against the wall. 

"I was just practicing, hyung. I was tired and decided to take a nap, there's nothing to worry about," Jungwon reassured, and his sincere tone made Jay want to believe him. He didn't want to have to worry. 

"Ah, he's lying," Heeseung stated bluntly, "Just bring him back here, and stay safe, okay? I'll get a bath and something to eat ready for him when you get back." 

Jay agreed, beginning to calm himself down as he thanked Heeseung and ended the phone call. 

"Really, I'm fine. I don't like seeing you cry, hyung," Jungwon murmured, shutting his eyes as he leaned on Jay while the other tried to help him up. 

Jungwon gained enough strength to walk with Jay’s help, though he insisted that he was fine and could walk on his own. He watched Jay as they walked through the corridors, reaching out to wipe the remnants of tears from his face. 

“Don’t worry, hyung. Just because I’m younger than you, doesn’t mean you have to look after me. I’m the leader, remember?” Jungwon said as they left the building, Jay’s arm wrapped around his waist to support him as they pushed through the cold. 

The walk to the dorms wasn’t usually very long, but it felt like it lasted forever now. Jungwon leaned heavily on Jay even though he insisted he didn’t need help, and it felt like Jungwon was comforting Jay more than the other way around. It was hard to feel comforted while he was carrying Jungwon back to the dorms in the middle of the night because he could hardly walk by himself. 

As soon as Jay knocked on the door to the dorm, Heeseung answered and ushered them inside, quietly scolding them both for not wearing coats. They were only a step inside the dorm when Jungwon’s legs gave out beneath them, and Heeseung caught him just before his knees could smack against the floor. 

He was struggling just to keep his eyes open, his body shaking with exhaustion. 

“Jungwon, can you hear me?” Heeseung asked, but Jungwon only hummed and leaned towards him, resting his head on Heeseung’s shoulder, “I didn’t think he’d be this bad. He can’t be like this just from practicing today?” 

Jay nodded, brushing Jungwon’s hair out of his eyes with his fingers. The leader winced, his breaths sharp as he went limp against Heeseung. 

Carefully, they carried him to the sofa, drawing the attention of the two members who were already in the living room. 

“Wha- is Jungwon okay?” Jake asked, and Heeseung nodded just so that they would give the leader some space. Having the members panic wouldn’t bring anything good, it would just make Heeseung more stressed. 

Heeseung stayed by Jungwon’s side as Jay went into the next room to call the manager, just in case something really was wrong with Jungwon. 

“He hasn’t been sleeping well lately,” Sunghoon pointed out, surprising Heeseung as he didn’t know that he was right behind him. 

“He hasn’t? I should have noticed,” Heeseung said, sighing as he ran his fingers through Jungwon’s hair. 

“Don’t blame yourself like that, it’s not your fault he’s been overworking himself.” 

Jay returned at that moment, putting his phone in his pocket as he sat beside Heeseung. 

“They said his schedule is cancelled for the next week, and we should call them if he shows any symptoms that show it might be more than just exhaustion,” Jay said, and Heeseung shook his head. 

“I think we should be taking him to the hospital. But I guess whatever the manager says goes." 

Sunghoon reached over and held Heeseung's hand, silently comforting him. 

"I'm sure Jungwon will be fine, he just needs some sleep," Jay reassured them, partly to the other members and also to reassure himself. 

-

Jungwon opened his eyes, exhaustion still clinging to his bones but he felt less faint now. 

He heard a low rumbling, and he glanced over to the bedside table and found that his phone was ringing. He picked up his phone and answered it without checking the caller ID. 

"Hey Jungwonnie, sorry I didn't see your texts until now." 

Jungwon sat up abruptly, shocked to hear K's voice on the other end. He didn't even sound angry. 

"Oh, hey. It's okay, how are you?" Jungwon asked, and K giggled. 

"I'm fine, I've just been really busy. I think I'm keeping the contract, they want to put me in a group with some other I-Landers." 

Jungwon gasped, unable to stop a smile from appearing on his face. 

"That's really good, that's awesome K-hyung." 

"What about you? How've you been?" 

Jungwon was tempted to lie, but Sunoo and Heeseung entered the room at that moment and he knew he couldn't lie. 

Sunoo actually took the phone from his hand, grinning at him cheekily. 

"Hey hyung, don't worry, Jungwon's been fine. Only overworking himself," Sunoo said, and he heard K gasp, halfway between feeling bad for Jungwon and laughing at Sunoo's approach to it. 

"Oh, make sure he looks after himself, Sunoo," K said, but Sunoo handed the phone back to Jungwon. 

"Promise him you'll look after yourself, then you can't break it," Sunoo said. 

Jungwon sighed, a grin growing on his face. 

"I promise I'll look after myself, hyung." 

"Good," K said, and Jungwon was just glad that K was going to debut, like he deserved, "I'm proud of you, Jungwonnie."


End file.
